Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
