I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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