just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
