Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize