it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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