I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
