At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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