I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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