i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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