she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
