so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
