Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
