are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize