i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.