i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
