My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
