Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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