No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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