i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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