I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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