I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
