the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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