theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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