is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
