The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
