Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
