i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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