I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
