Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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