Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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