my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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