I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
