we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
