The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
