Buhtt sex?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
