So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
