the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
