I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
