Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
