fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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