"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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