She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
