So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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