He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
