Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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