I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
