You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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