I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
