my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
