now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
