why didn't you poke me back
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
