thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
