you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
