What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
