Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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