kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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