Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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