Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too