i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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