she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over