When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.