So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so let's talk penis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
