I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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