the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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