i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
