I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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