does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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