I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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