my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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