he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
