does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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