Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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